Cancer Talk #1: “You Have Cancer”

I’m pretty sure you’ve seen a movie with a scene like this:
A doctor enters her room, concern in her face. A patient looking worried. Slowly the doctor says “I’m sorry…”. Surprised, the patient covers her face, sobbing. “The results are back, you have cancer….” continues the doctor. More sobbing and crying from the patient.


Well, that has never happened to me. Until now, no one has ever said those three words to me: You have cancer.

It was January 2014. 

I felt amazing. I had just finished my masters degree and had gone back home. I took the decision to enjoy some months for myself, to refresh my mind. I was thinking of a lot of travelling here and there.

My first travel plan was Penang with a travel blogger friend. I have been to Penang before and loved it so it would be a nice revisit.


Penang from Penang Hill
“Why don’t you get that cough of yours checked out while you are in Penang?” suggested my dad. 

After a lot of arguing, I agreed and picked a hospital.

The trip was amazing as expected. The food was wonderful, my travel mate was great and there were a lot of new things to check out in Penang. 

I dreaded the day of the hospital visit. I had been coughing since writing my thesis and ignored it. It had gotten slightly worse but I refused to surrender to the hands of the doctors.

I felt like an adult going to the hospital by myself. The doctor suggested an x-ray and I grew more terrified. 

He then said I needed a CT scan in which I agreed to do too since I just wanted this to be over and done with.

“It seems that you have a mass,” the doctor said.

Mass? Mass? Isn’t that tumour?

He explained something to me but everything started to blur, I was crying. The doctor looked concerned so it must be serious and I was told to do more tests, one called biopsy. 

What the hell is that?!

I told him thank you and that I needed time to think.

Real meaning: This result will not ruin my holiday and that seemingly painful procedure called biopsy sounds awful and I need my mum and dad for it.

I told my parents to come to Penang after my planned travel date was over. I wanted to finish the holiday I started and I refused to be bugged by a tumour.

The truth was, for the rest of the holiday that was ALL I could think of. I remember visiting a Burmese temple that I have visited before and at the back yard there is a tower overlooking the city. I went up the tower knowing that not many people would go there and weeped. I checked my Hangout and saw a close friend from my masters was online. I told him of my recent discovery. He was sad for me. I was sad for me.

When my Penang holiday was over, my parents came, I cried in their arms then I did the biopsy.


7 thoughts on “Cancer Talk #1: “You Have Cancer”

  1. aku baca mundur postingan yg ada di sini
    ngerti rasanya, karena punya teman yg ngalami hal serupa. nggak mudah untuk menerima itu tp semangat diri dan sekeliling adalah yg menguatkan

    kamu hebat Aggy, stay strong ya, semangaaat
    doaku untukmu 🙏💪


    • Terima kasih mbak Olive. Sbnrnya gak merasa hebat karena masih dikit2 nangis hihi cengeng…tp memang harus selalu semangat uj ngadepin kayak gini 🙂 terima kasih udah nyempetin baca yaaa


      • orang hebat bukan berarti nggak pernah merasa lemah
        orang kuat bukan berarti nggak pernah nggak mengeluarkan air mata

        hidup adalah proses Aggy, yg bisa menikmati dan bersyukur di setiap prosesNYA mau itu naik turun adalah hebat

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Aggy, sudah pernah mampir dan baca-baca, tapi baca bagian ini saya mundur kebelakang. Sahabat saya baru ngabarin saya 2bln lalu, dia didiagnosanya Januari lalu. Stay strong Aggy kamu pasti kuat :). -salaam kenal-


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