Cancer Talk #6: Pitch Dark

Tick tock

The clock ticked, morning went to night, my dad went to work, my mum watered the plants and went to the market.

Tick tock

The day passed just like that. Everyone went about doing their business and yet I stayed still. I didn’t seem to be making any progress. I was getting worse.

I could no longer swallow the herbal pills. Every time I went to the herbalist, he gave me a different explanation.

“It’s just an inflammation,” he said once.

“It’s a tumour but a mild one,” he explained another time.

“It’s an inflammation mixed with your gastric,” he elaborated.

I grew frustrated and stopped eating the pills altogether. The pain on my chest didn’t go away, so I started taking painkillers.

It used to be that I took them once every few days, to once a day as the pain grew more intense. All the while, I still tried to have some sort of “life”.

I was listed as a speaker for a conference, AWE (Asian Women Empowerment) conference in Kota Kinabalu. I had everything prepared: the talk itself, plane tickets and hotel bookings. I was also excited to meet my friends. I tried really hard to be healthy, I really did, but I had no strength left in me.

I coughed night and day. I think I only slept 2-3 hours during the day, I think my parents also didn’t sleep, listening to my horrible cough and tried everything to help me. A cushion here, lemon water, warm water, a rub there – but all efforts were useless.

One day it seemed the world went pitch dark. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t even take a sip of water without feeling my stomach rejecting it. My stomach burned, and I couldn’t control the cough anymore. I was breathing, but no matter how much oxygen I took in, it didn’t feel enough. I was desperate and for the first time in my life, I nodded as my mum offered to take me to the hospital.


12 thoughts on “Cancer Talk #6: Pitch Dark

  1. Aggy, so sorry…

    Anyway aku punya teman yang kena Lymphoma juga dan dia bikin blog tentang itu. Apa kamu mau kenalan? Kalau mau, aku bisa mnta ijin dia untuk ngasih kontak dia ke kamu. Semangat ya Aggy!!!


    • Hai Tal, mau donk linknya blog temen kamu kalau ga diprivate 🙂
      Thank you yaa udah kasih semangat! It’s only one battle I need to fight in life 🙂


  2. Hi Aggy,
    im so happy that God let me found you here through your story. Not coincidentally at all, i trust 🙂
    I love to send unlimited prays while reading ur story. i know you’re such a good and strong creation for this chapter of life.
    (these all just reminded me to my old cancer friend) and i love to make a friends with a favorite humans like u both.
    Aggy, may God grant every sick and bring healing, comfort and peace to ur bodies. And calms ur fears also. Quick recovery, Aggy.
    You’ re Loved 🙂

    -ur ‘lets be friend’ reader


  3. Ah, ngerti tuh rasanya yang bagian gak bisa makan dan gak cukup oksigen ituu.. Eh iya, salam kenal dulu ya Aggy, aku tahun 2013 lalu didiagnosis NHL, dan selama 3 tahun berikutnya menjalani terapi, dan Alhamdulillah akhirnya februari lalu dapat ‘sertifikat’ NED.
    Blognya bagus2, dan kamu keren, tetep bisa ceria walaupun sambil ‘jatuh bangun’. Semoga lancar berobatnya ya, tetep semangat dan menginspirasi.


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