Life as of Lately

I seem to always write in Kartini Day. Life has taken a hold of me and blogging feels so distant from me. I miss it a lot. I miss writing here and reading people’s writings. I am trying to make it a habit again, because every day when I interact with people on Instagram, I am reminded how that connection was made. It was through blogs. Reading and writing and talking via the comment sections resulted in friendships that I wouldn’t have made in real life. And that is a blessing. I feel the social media climate has really changed. I think 5-10 years ago blogging is still a very hyped thing. Nowadays, people can’t be bothered to read more than an Instagram caption. And so, the friendships I made all those years ago through my blog(s) are truly rare gems.

As you know, I started teaching at my local university. I have a somewhat “busy” life which I thank every day. Everything is still online: classes, meetings, presentations – and often it tires me out but at the end of the day, I feel a satisfaction that I was able to contribute something to the world. I found that my feistiness still exists, that I still talk passionately and excitedly and sometimes angrily. My friends pointed it out to me saying how I cannot hide my emotions. I take it as a compliment. There are times when I feel like I’m too much, but life is too short to wonder for some incessant thought like this. It is an unnecessary thought, I tell myself, because it always leaves me with guilt and assumptions.

I was foolish enough to think the “working world” would be better. I was mildly shocked when I heard my first sexist remark. It seems, during the time I was sick, I surrounded myself with people who are the same as me. Mostly feminists, with opinions that are inline with my mind. Though I knew the world was not perfect, I relied on my friends as a safety net, to reassure myself “you have these people, so the world isn’t so bad!”. While this is great, I also unconciously eliminated those daily sexist remarks, those catcalls, those meandering eyes inspecting my body from top to bottom. And now, here I was, in the “daily life” and those things are still there. It has not left. It is still not a safe place for women. Feminist is still a bad word.

Teaching young people is truly something else. Just like any other teacher, I can feel annoyed one minute but also happy the next. It is an exciting rollercoaster. I want to put my hopes in them. I wish them to be better than my generation. I find it my responsibility to teach them not only the book kind of knowledge but also the knowledge to be a better person, a more empathic person. I want them to know equality. I want them all to feel that they have a shot at doing something and not be restricted by their race or gender or status. I try hard everyday to show it in my teaching, in the hope that they catch a glimmer of it.

I am trying to be better at listening more to my body. Sometimes I push my body’s capabilities to its maximum and finding the consequences of it the next day, for several days. There is this need to fill out those 4 years that I missed out, but I also know that my body was not on a break back then, it was also doing its job to sustain me, to protect me. I know I still have a lot of work to honour my body and to give it the respect it needs. I take deep breaths, I try not to be provoked by small things (and there are a lot!), I exercise. Everyday is a battle, the perfectionist inside of me often shows up, telling me of all the little flaws I made. Even so, I am learning to acknowledge the imperfections and learning to accept it. I tell myself that sometimes allowing imperfections to happen means allowing my body to rest too, and this is more important than anything else.

So that’s my life as lately. I hope you are all staying safe.

6 thoughts on “Life as of Lately

  1. Nice to hear from you again, Aggy! When you said “Nowadays, people can’t be bothered to read more than an Instagram caption”, I immediately thought of some of the people I know who only rarely read Instagram captions. I also find that connections made through blogs usually happen to last longer. That’s why I cherish those who still keep their blogs alive even though it’s “no longer trendy”, at least not at the moment. I hope you and your loved ones stay healthy and safe.

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    • Hi Bama! Oh my how I miss the “comment section” interactions! I guess this is why most blog friendships last longer, I feel like comments are just much more personal than replies on an Instagram post. I really do miss blogging, hopefully I can be more consistent this year. I hope the same for you and your family too, it’s such a frustrating time right now, but I hope we can power through with enthusiasm!

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  2. Aggy, aku seneng baca kabar dan tulisanmu lagi. Senang dengan kegiatan kamu. Sehat2 selalu ya Aggy.

    Aku masih nulis blog, seminggu sekali. Dunia blog memang berubah ya sekarang. Sudah sepi banget. Tapi itu tidak menyurutkanku untuk tetap menulis. Mau ada yg baca atau ga, mau ada yg komen atau ga, tetap aku nulis. Aku ga punya IG dan sejak Januari undur diri (entah selamanya atau sejenak) dari twitter, jadi ya aku mengandalkan blog untuk tahu cerita terkini dari para blogger. Yang mana, sepi aja haha. Aku benar2 jaga jarak sama media sosial. Supaya punya banyak waktu dengan diri diri sendiri, banyak waktu berdialog dgn diri sendiri, slow living, dan menikmati JOMO.

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    • Hai Mbak, wah rasanya sudah lama sekali kita gak bersapa ya. Ya memang ada kesenangan sendiri dengan blogging ya, walaupun mungkin sudah tidak seperti dulu yang sedang hits2nya tapi memang aktivitas ini menyenangkan dan aku belajar banyak dari komunitas ini.
      Aku juga sekarang sudah jarang update Twitter, main Instagram masih hehe, di sana masih ada hal2 yang bisa aku enjoy tapi ya memang pemakaiannya sudah beda dari beberapa tahun lalu.

      Semoga mbak dan keluarga sehat2 juga di sana, dan berharap pandemi dapat segera berakhir supaya bisa kembali ke Indonesia untuk bertemua keluarga di sini πŸ™‚

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  3. yg penting we do our best and with good intentions ya πŸ™‚ nice writing πŸ™‚

    Btw selama ini aku baca blog mbak diam2. Baru sekarang bersuara. πŸ™‚ jadi, salam kenal ya mbak Aggy. Keep blogging πŸ™‚

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